I want to remember to be like her, this stranger with a wonderful attitude, our neighbor for the week in a vacation condo. At first, I felt a little sorry for her. She seemed in her late seventies or early eighties. Alone. White hair fashionably cut, wearing a bright red and black flowing dress. Sitting with her eyes closed on her deck, face tilted toward the sun. A book on the table beside her.
Was she widowed, I wondered. Lonely? Idle thoughts as we sat yards from each other and just yards from the crashing Atlantic Ocean.
The condos themselves are only yards away from the water, too — which is delightful, but at the highest of tides, when the waves crash within inches of the sliding glass doors, and sometimes shake the sides of the building itself, it can also be a little unnerving.
I saw this temporary neighbor the morning after one of these tides, her condo closer than ours to the pounding waves. “That was something, last night,” I commented, “the force of the water.”
“Oh,” she said with a wide smile, “wasn’t that wonderful!”
So much for my worry that she must have been a little frightened. We chatted a minute or two more and as I turned to walk away, I said, “Have a wonderful day.”
“If I don’t,” she answered, “it will be my fault.”
Wow. “If I don’t, it will be my fault.” There are people, even while vacationing, who find something to complain about. Not her. Her happiness was firmly in her own hands, at the beck and call of her own positive attitude. I could feel that attitude rub off on me.
Later, from another guest cooking on the grill beside me, I learned the woman comes this same week every year, always alone. Disabused of my assumptions, I thought, how wonderful, a yearly vacation with yourself.
During morning walks I decided to experiment further with this idea that one’s attitude could determine the course of the day. I called it my smile experiment. It’s not as annoying as it sounds, I promise.
I simply smiled at everyone I passed, sometimes adding a “good morning.” To a person, my smile and greeting was returned. On other walks, I kept my head down or looked away when a walker passed by me. No smile. No greeting. Did my smile or hello change anyone’s morning? I don’t know, I hope so. But simply sharing a little morning cheer surely changed mine.
My friend and leadership coach, Lori Zukin, recently related a travel story which similarly underscores the importance of attitude and positive connection. She was sitting in an airport gate area across from a man wearing a mask. She coughed a little and the man gave her a dirty look. She quickly pulled up her mask and told the man that she had tested negative for COVID before coming to the airport. And then, instead of reciprocating his demeanor, she struck up a friendly conversation with him about where they each were traveling to and so on. Eventually, he interrupted the conversation to apologize for his earlier behavior. “Hey, I gave you a nasty look before. I shouldn’t have done that and I’m sorry.”
When she brushed the apology off with an “It’s okay” — he said, “No, it wasn’t ok. It really wasn’t and I’m so sorry.” He explained he was especially sensitive because he had had a recent bad bout of COVID.
This story isn’t particularly groundbreaking but it is important. Lori noted she was struck by the “transformative power of connection and the boundless potential we hold to infuse our world with grace.” And she asked those she shared the story with to consider these questions:
What could we each do to create more positive connection in our personal and professional lives?
What would be possible if we could give each other a little more grace?
“If I don’t, it will be my own fault,” said my vacation neighbor about the kind of day she had in store. Her response is a reminder that giving grace and creating positive connections are powers which lie in our own hands. And that is a truly wonderful thing.
Virginia Buckingham, a member of The Marblehead Current’s Board of Directors, is the former chief executive officer of the Massachusetts Port Authority, chief of staff to two Massachusetts governors, deputy editorial page editor for the Boston Herald and author of “On My Watch: A Memoir.”
