Ask Lizzie: Don’t like pretend play? No problem

Dear Lizzie,
Can you suggest some ways to connect with my 6-year-old daughter other than play? I hate pretend play.

Hi reader,
I foster play as a career, and I don’t like to pretend-play either! When adults pretend-play with a child, the play turns more into a form of entertainment than true play led by the child. The great news? You don’t have to play pretend with your child. Your child’s play is her job. Don’t make it yours. When parents force themselves to play pretend, it usually backfires. If you say yes every time, and during play you yawn, scroll and zone out, she won’t feel connected to you and will continue to seek your attention, usually in undesirable ways. If you say no and find other ways to connect, you’ll both feel better. When she’s filled up with your undivided attention, you’ll be amazed at how well she can go off and play independently.

Here are seven ways to connect by NOT playing pretend with your child:

1. Go for an agendaless walk, letting her carry the conversation and lead the way.

2. Cook a meal together, allowing her to be an active participant in creating family meals is great for everyone.

3. Roughhouse with your sensory-seeking child. Rough and tumble interactions are great for developing impulse control.

4. Sort the laundry together and have her fold it. Many children enjoy learning grown-up skills like folding laundry.

5. Offer undivided attention during bathtime. Instead of multitasking, leave your phone in the other room and chat, sing or read.

6. Sit with her after she plays and have her tell you all about what she pretended, made or created. Be an active listener, get curious and ask questions.

7. Paint or draw together. Try using your non-dominant hand and follow her ideas.

The most authentic and sustainable way to connect with your child is to find things you both love to do together. Keep them simple so that they happen consistently.

Good luck!
Lizzie