I rarely make New Year’s resolutions. Other than the perennial “I will lose (20/30/40) pounds this year,” I’d given up. One look at me and you know that perennial resolution is perennially broken.
I’m far from alone. Fewer than 8% of resolutions are kept throughout the year, and more than 80% are broken by the start of February.
This year, though, I’m going to follow psychologists’ suggestions and base my resolutions on experience from the recent past. I’m ecstatic to see the back end of 2023, so I figure if I avoid mistakes I made this past year, 2024 will be happy and catastrophe-free.
Here they are:
DO NOT book a dream vacation in a country that’s about to explode in violent insurrection.
DO NOT replace your broken dream vacation with a trip to a country where you can’t eat the food or drink the water.
If you fail to heed that resolution:
DO NOT eat the food or drink the water in a country where that is inadvisable.
If you fail to heed that resolution:
DO pack electrolytes in every suitcase, carry-on, backpack, personal item and pocket.
DO NOT contract COVID-19 before you are recovered from food poisoning.
DO always take your medications and avoid foods that irritate your gut, etc. etc. etc.
DO always slather yourself with sunscreen. On every part of your body. Every part.
DO pile pillows on the floor next to your bed. Just in case. Black eyes heal slowly.
DO NOT contract a lung infection that lasts all summer long.
DO schedule mammograms exactly on time. DO NOT put them off for a day or a month or two years.
DO NOT hold private pity parties for yourself with 20-ounce single serving bags of chips. Or fudge. Or crackers. Or whatever.
DO eat lots of bananas, beets, pumpkin seeds and other anti-inflammatory foods to reduce hypertension. DO remove salt container from the cabinet, stove and table.
DO NOT get a recurrence of the lung infection while on an overseas trip.
DO always use a flashlight when walking at night on wet leaves, even if walking around the corner from your house.
DO pay attention to wet leaves — they are slippery. Especially on Marblehead sidewalks. Remember, you aren’t going to sue if you break something.
DO remove any and all sharp-edged objects, scatter rugs and other hazards from your kitchen, home, bathroom, etc. etc. etc.
DO give daily thanks and show gratitude to your long-suffering and always supportive spouse without whom 2023 would have been even worse.
DO give daily thanks and show gratitude to the family and friends who bring joy to your world even when days seem dark.
And DO give daily thanks and show gratitude for the exceptional medical professionals, including Marblehead Fire Department EMTs, ER nurses and doctors, and various surgeons who treated and repaired your aging yet still (incredibly) functioning body in 2023.
DO give them less business in 2024.
