The Current is proud to partner with Lizzie Assa, founder of The Workspace for Children, a parenting strategist, play expert and mother of three who lives in Marblehead. Send your questions for Lizzie to AskLizzie@marbleheadnews.org.
Dear Lizzie,
Last holiday season, we had an uncomfortable moment when my three-year-old loudly said, “I already have that!” upon opening a present from my sister. The incident left everyone upset: my child in tears, me mortified and my sister visibly hurt. As we approach this year’s family gathering, I’m anxious to avoid a repeat of this situation. Could you offer some advice on how to handle such moments better this year?
Dear reader,
We’ve all been there: Your child rips open a gift, and the look on their face says it all — it’s not what they were hoping for.
Kids are like little truth bombs. They say exactly what they feel, no filter.
Here are a few strategies that should help:
Before the big event, try role-playing. We call it “The Gift Game!” For preschoolers, role-playing can work wonders. Kids learn so much through play. Try this: Have your little one wrap up some of their toys with play silks or bags (trust me, the wrapping is half the fun for them) and pretend to exchange gifts. Playfully overreact to a gift you “don’t like” and see their reaction. Use this game as a springboard for discussions about feelings, gift-giving and gracious receiving. Then, have them help you brainstorm some things that you CAN say!
Create a ‘thank you’ mantra with your child: Before attending any event where gifts will be received, sit down with your little one and come up with a gracious ‘thank you’ response. It can be as simple as, “Thank you for thinking of me!” This planned phrase can serve as a go-to reaction for any gift.
Expect the unexpected and adjust your expectations. Remember that it is normal for children to say how they really feel and not to censor their feelings. It might feel embarrassing to you and to the other adults, but let the moment pass. It doesn’t mean your child is spoiled or that you did anything wrong as a parent. They’re still learning. Keeping that in mind, avoid shaming your child for ‘bad behavior.’ (“Sam, that was rude!”) Instead, try saying: “Aunt Mary, you know Noah so well! Thanks for this.” Or “Adam is still learning about receiving gifts graciously. Thank you so much for the thoughtful present.”
Opening a mountain of gifts in front of expectant adults might be too much for your child, and that’s okay. Try spacing gifts out, or allowing your child to open their gifts privately. If your family members don’t want to miss out, you could video your child opening their gift at home and send it via text.
When you inevitably find yourself in a child-related embarrassing moment this holiday season, remember that your child is looking to you for unconditional love and support as they learn to navigate holiday gatherings.
