When my oldest daughter moved out three years ago, I, of course, called my mom. I was thrilled for Shanna, proud that my husband and I raised her to go out and stand on her own, but then I was also a mom missing her daughter. It didn’t matter that she moved close to us, it was a different way of living than we had become used to for 27 years.
What did my mom remember about me moving out when I got married? What triggered her emotions most?
“I remember when you took your shoes, that’s when I knew you were truly leaving this house,” she recalled as if it was yesterday. I do love shoes. So, I started thinking about what would make my tears fall when Shanna left the home she lived in since she was three years old.
It came to me quickly: the toy mini Cheez-it and waffle on my kitchen window shelf.
That’s what would do it for me. Shanna loves mini things and has collected many. I bought her a mini food set years ago that included a Cheez-it and waffle. Somehow, they ended up on my kitchen window shelf with some of my favorite pictures. Her goddaughter Zoey loved to play with them when she visited and I saw them many, many times a day because of where they were located. When I thought about what would make me realize Shan had truly moved out, it was easy to think of those mini toys I had seen and entertained Zoey with for a few years.
I helped Shanna move in and placed those adorable minis with their happy faces in her kitchen. They loved living in the kitchen. And yes, that got me as emotional as I can imagine my mother was when she saw me taking out my shoe collection. And I will admit I bought myself replacement minis soon after. They make me smile and live on that same shelf.
My youngest just started her California adventure, moving 3,400 miles with a high school friend to start anew. She’s one of many who doesn’t like the darkness that comes at 4 p.m. in the fall and winter. We took many vacations to California, always having a wonderful time. She spent five weeks after earning a master’s degree staying with her cousin just outside Los Angeles and came back refreshed and wanting more.
When her friend said she’d love the idea of a California move, Jenna was all in. She left the only home she’s known last week for Arroyo Grande, known for its historic, picturesque village and diverse landscapes being situated between the coast and the countryside. And sunlight at 4 p.m.
This was much harder for mom than Shanna’s move 10 minutes away. Jenna’s friend Maddie got to the beautiful home they’re renting a few days before Jenna and sent her a video of a walk-through of the house. They of course saw pictures online before, but it was much more real when Maddie talked her way through each room and hallway.
When Jenna saw the video, she was so excited she came bouncing down the stairs to show me. The joy she expressed helped me get through this move. I will keep that visual in my mind as one of the best moments given how happy and excited she was.
Here I was trying to grasp her leaving and going so far from home, but this moment was why, and it will help me through the days I miss her most.
Days before Jenna was leaving, I started thinking about what my shoes and mini toy food moment would be that brought my mom and I to that emotional space. I thought of the elephant blanket my friend bought her and she loved so much. She used this blanket all the time when watching television. She would fight over it with a friend who became family when he lived with us for a while. It was worth fighting over. I told her about it being my tear-inducing item, but it had already been packed in the U-Haul box. So that wasn’t going to be it.
It wasn’t hard to think of another: her karaoke microphone. One of my favorite memories is coming home to Jenna sitting on the kitchen counter with this microphone, a glass of Prosecco nearby and music playing. There was a mic and Prosecco in my favorite glass on the counter for me at the counter closest to the door I came in. I immediately picked up the prop and joined her. Shanna walked in soon after and joined us sans microphone (we only have two). Her fiancé stayed behind in the hall, not sure exactly what was happening.
“Shanna said you guys did this often, but I’ve never seen it.” Welcome to the family, Mikey.
For the last two hours of her California Adventure Farewell party, Jenna and her cousins shared the microphone while the others joined in singing and dancing, even Mikey joined. He’s used to us now. Watching them as I have for so many years brought a smile to my face.
I saw the microphone in the kitchen the day after the party and that was it. That was my shoes and mini toy food for my Jenna Lynne. I am thrilled for her and can’t wait to see what this new life brings her, and I know she’ll keep us in her heart and a microphone in her hand.
Christine McCarriston is a Marblehead resident and contributes regularly to the Current.
