I met this woman the other day. She was about 20 years older than I am, and everything I hope to be at that age. Physically, she was very strong and healthy. There was a peacefulness about her and she exuded a confident and joyful aura. She wore glasses and jeans. Her hair was short and a beautiful gray. She stood by my kitchen counter, in stockinged feet, purposeful, yet relaxed, like she was about to tackle a recipe she hadn’t tried before. Or maybe she was about to make a cup of tea with herbs from the garden and offer it to me with a homemade biscotti. Even though she hadn’t spoken a word, I could tell she was wise. I liked her very much.
This woman was me.
How? Before you put your hand to my forehead, or check my cabinets for psilocybin mushrooms, let me explain.
I spent several days recently at a leadership immersion retreat in the foothills outside of Boulder. A friend joked I was re-enacting the series Nine Perfect Strangers but I knew two people leading it, so it was only seven strangers I retorted! We came together for four days in a house overlooking the valley and peaks beyond. In the aftermath, we were strangers no more.
The impact of those days is still sinking in, I’m not even sure I can put words to the experience beyond this one moment I offer now. Meeting my future self was so extraordinary, I couldn’t wait to share how with you, in case you, too, want to meet, well, you, two decades hence.
Lori Zukin, a visionary leadership coach and wonderful person who I met eight years ago led the discussion and exercise entitled “Future Self Visualization.” It’s taught at the Coaches Training Institute and described in detail in a book entitled, “Playing Big, Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want to Speak Up, Create and Lead” by Tara Mohr. The exercise is not just for women though, and the two men in our group would confirm its every-human applicability.
I won’t go into the details of the visualization itself which involves some meditation and a bit of imagined time travel. If you want to try it, you can find it here: taramohr.com/book/meet-inner-mentor/ I do want to talk about its impact.
Mohr describes meeting your future self as an opportunity to meet your inner mentor. We all know our inner critic well, don’t we? He or she comes along everywhere we go and tells us how we messed up or could have done better. How nice to think inside us is a wise self we can call on not just to affirm but to counsel.
In the visualization, your future self brings you to a favorite spot in the house for a chat. At that time you can ask him or her what you need to do to get from where you are to where he or she is.
This future self may not answer in words, but in a feeling you are given. That is what happened to me.
First, the house I traveled to was where I live now. My future self brought me to the new room we had built 20 years before. There was no one else home, but I could see it was filled with pictures of grandchildren. Every window streamed light.
I saw no shelves filled with books I had written. No awards. No sign of what I had done in my life. The feeling I got was how I was in my life. And I realized in that moment I had been searching for the wrong thing.
I thought I would leave this retreat with a clear path forward, a certainty about the next book I would write or public speaking career I would pursue, in what way would I lead. I came away knowing that what I do isn’t what matters, but how I am. Do I help bring light to other people?
Do I move the world in a more positive direction, or is my impact negative?
When in doubt as I move forward, I plan to check in with my inner mentor. I trust her. I know her. I like her very much.
President of the Marblehead Current’s board of directors, Virginia Buckingham is the former chief executive officer of the Massachusetts Port Authority, chief of staff to two Massachusetts governors, deputy editorial page editor for the Boston Herald and author of “On My Watch: A Memoir.”
