Virginia Buckingham
Virginia Buckingham is a former president of the Marblehead Current board of directors, a frequent commentator on WCVB’s On the Record and author of “On My Watch A Memoir.” She is working on a second memoir, “As This Mountain” in her newly empty nest and writes a biweekly column for the Current.
May we dwell for a minute on Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to talk politics in this column. I’m not promising not to ever, just not today
It’s not DeSantis’ politics or policies per se that have my attention, but his promise to make every state just like his.
If you missed DeSantis’s book tour kickoff — in that literary capital also known as Des Moines, Iowa — the backdrop was a big sign that said, “The Florida Blueprint.” OK, it actually said “The Freedom Blueprint,” but his point in his speeches there and in the title of his new book, “The Courage to be Free — Florida’s Blueprint for America’s Revival,” was basically, “Elect me, and I will make the rest of America just like Florida.”
Given I was writing this column poolside in 85-degree weather, I had a pretty open mind when it came to making the rest of the country like the Sunshine State. After all, how many times in that gray month of March did you ask yourself, “Why do I live here?”
Without comment on issues like a school getting in trouble because students were exposed to Michelangelo’s “The David” — see what I did there — I decided to compare Massachusetts and Florida on issues less thorny, and more personal: one’s own comfort and enjoyment.
My list of comparators is not comprehensive — feel free to play at home and add your own.
Sitting poolside
Florida’s pool season is much longer than our measly 12 or so weeks. “Let’s open the pool, honey; it’s Memorial Day” reaching in warp speed “It’s time to close the pool, honey; it’s Labor Day.”
However, from my lounge chair in the sunny south, time moved slower, but not everything did. A snake moved from the edge of the pool to the bushes just beyond it at a speed that belied the meaning of the word “slithered.” It curled its body back on itself just out of reach if someone came near to catch it, plotting its next move like Voldemort versus Harry Potter.
Was it 4 feet long? Six feet? Ten? Not sure, I was busy throwing my book in my bag and skedaddling at warp speed to the safety of the condo. A neighbor that evening even said she kept her toilet seat down lest she meet HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED at 3 a.m.
Length of season versus slithering snakes, not only by the pool, but in the toilet?
Advantage: Massachusetts
Traffic
At home when we’re stuck at a particularly long light, we quip “It’s Donald Ross” — a test of patience at an intersection with Route 1 in DeSantis Land. Traffic in this part of Florida has definitely gotten heavier, at least according to our Uber driver who has had to build in more time to get his customers to the airport.
Then there are the bridges over the intercoastal waterway. You’ve done something deserving of bad karma if you get stuck when one of those is going up. They are meticulously timed so you can plan around them. And soon there will be train service all the way from Orlando to Miami. Also, that bridge to Sanibel Island destroyed in the recent hurricane? Replaced in a month. Hear that, Cape Cod travelers dreading the Bourne and Sagamore years-long replacement?
Other than the Donald Ross delay, on all other counts, transportation there is more reliable than the MBTA.
Advantage: Florida
Bad hair days
If you, like me, welcome everything about the warmer months but the humidity, the clear winner is the state where nine months out of the year you don’t have to wear a) a hat, b) your sunglasses as a hair ornament, or c) give up and accept your hairstyle is going to resemble Gilda Radner’s back in her SNL heydays.
Advantage: Massachusetts
Sea bird watching
As readers of this column know, I have a new appreciation for seagulls. However, have you ever watched a flock of pelicans, flying in formation, their heads, gullets and bills seemingly too big for their bodies but somehow perfectly balanced just the same? They skim the surface of the water or they dive bomb for fish from as high as 60 to 70 feet. Pelicans are cooler than seagulls.
Advantage: Florida
Farmers’ markets
Again, that determined foe, winter, keeps our pilgrimages to the fonts of fresh fruit and vegetables confined to the warm weather. I recently visited what they call a “green market” in Florida, which operates year-round. There were over 120 vendors. One offered spectacular orchids. There were tacos. And artisan cheeses. Fish mongers and sustainable meats. And this — a cart selling fresh Maine lobster rolls, from, you know, Maine, some 1,600 miles away. It would be like the Marblehead Farmers Market selling Florida conch fritters.
Advantage: Massachusetts
Beach scene
Ubiquitous topless bathers who make it perilous to bring your children for a day of innocent sandy fun? Rambunctious South Beach? Nope. While some hotels allow it poolside, there’s a specially designated beach for nude sunbathing in Miami. It’s Nantucket that recently voted to allow topless bathing everywhere, even at Children’s Beach.
Advantage: Florida. Or Advantage: Massachusetts. Pick your porn, I mean, poison, so long as it wasn’t sculpted by Michelangelo!
Virginia Buckingham is a member of the Current’s board of directors. Her column appears weekly — at least when she isn’t on a Florida holiday.
